"Wanted: Young virgins..."

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a group of people to duck the harsh wrath of The SHAFT in a quick and efficient manner, we turn to the age old standby of sacrifice. What better way to keep The SHAFT at bay than to redirect it at some other fool?

For most situations, a small sacrifice is sufficient. Chopping the head off a chocolate bunny with a large meat cleaver us usually enough to cause the guy sitting beside you in your Statics midterm to take The SHAFT which would have been yours.

However, some situations, such as finals, require a larger sacrifice. In these instances, a small marshmallow animal of some sort can be used. Peeps are the current favorites for most final exams. They are routinely tortured to an obese fate in our Holy Microwaves... Unfortunately, we'll have to step things up a notch when Tech goes to semesters...