"...what we do every night... try to take over the world!"
The Cult of The SHAFT (henceforth known as CoTS) has a purpose in its ministry: To convert the heathen over to the Zealot of The SHAFT (henceforth known as a ZoTS)
We believe that everyone has a chance to be on good terms with the SHAFT. Yes, the SHAFT will exercise its wrath when it sees fit, but you can receive an understanding for Why the SHAFT is the SHAFT.
The masses (those out there who do not grasp the concept or see the power of the SHAFT) just don't understand. The masses are lost in their world of schedules and busy-bodiedness that they fail to realize the presence of the SHAFT. We here at CoTS, would like, no, would 'sway' you to join our legions.
We know how it is to be in a hurry to get to that next class, to run after the bus time and time again, just to see the door close in your face. Join us, and understand how the SHAFT is dominant in your life. Join us, and we won't have to bring you in, kicking and screaming and begging for mercy from the wrath of the SHAFT for your initial refusal. Just join the CoTS.